https://rebelliondogspublishing.com/product/1019659From Bill Schaberg:

The idea for this book came to me while I was reading a newspaper article. 

One of my favourite writers for the New York Times invited readers to send him examples of “The Best Advice You’ve Ever Received (and Are Willing to Pass On)”. 

On June 10, 2019, they printed the twenty-five best entries he had received.

I was captivated by the premise and the promise of this article and eagerly began to read what I expected to be some really helpful pieces of advice. Alas… I could not have been more is appointed. What had been selected as “best” struck me as either trivial (“Take a breath”), obvious (“When you go into a job interview, have questions ready”) or downright pointless (You’ve never seen a dead cat in a tree, have you?”).

Really? Those are best examples selected from what I suspected must have been several hundred (if not a few thousand) submissions?

 My immediate reaction was to remember some of the great advice I had received over the years – suggestions that were far more valuable and life-enhancing than anything the Times had just published. 

Our world is full of advice. Some of it comes from friends and relatives – occasionally when we ask for it, and at other times, when we don’t. Advice is also regularly offered by teachers, religious leaders, employers, therapists and motivational speakers. In addition, a wealth of excellent suggestions can be found in the many articles and books offering us various and sundry ways to improve our lives.

Maybe I’ve just been extremely lucky, but I have always been blessed with great friends – understanding and genuinely caring people, many of whom have a talent for delivering helpful advice in such a way that I can actually hear it. (That is to say they typically offered their advice in a “this is what worked for me” format rather than in the more directive “this is what you should be doing” style.) 

Besides those friends, I have been a lifelong reader and spiritual seeker so I’ve been exposed to some truly amazing teachers – in person, on recordings and in print – teachers who have regularly helped guide me in the right direction.

Finally, a few of these “30 Things” came from my own experiences (both positive and negative) which evolved into suggestions that I have felt comfortable offering to others – when asked and when appropriate – because they have proven to be so beneficial for me personally.

It is a truism that the older we get, the more we tend to repeat ourselves… with discouraging regularity! 

Caught out in these situations much more frequently than I care to admit, I have often defended myself by saying:

“Well, you know, I’ve only got about thirty worthwhile things to say, so please stop me if you’ve heard me say this before…” 

My disappointment with the Times article prompted me to take that rather lame excuse a bit more seriously and I set out to write down some of those “thirty worthwhile things.” The general format I’ve tried to use here is to tell the story of how I first heard each piece of advice and then provide some examples of the way it has actually made a difference in my life.

I must honestly admit that, at first glance, some of these suggestions struck me as downright crazy or – to put it more positively – as seriously counter-intuitive.

But contrary advice is frequently far more helpful than the familiar bromides and pious latitudes that people so often offer (such as “Be a Gentleman” – another one of the Times winners!). Bromides are by their very definition comfortable and palatable, rarely calling for any kind of specific and significant change in our behavior. 

In contrast, unconventional wisdom is all too often challenging, demanding and uncomfortable. 

But, however crazy or counter-intuitive some of this advice may have sounded to me at first, it all resonated on a more primal level. While my head insisted on offering contrary arguments, my stomach knew this was something I should be paying attention to and, perhaps, even trying to put into practice.  

And, to the best of my abilities, I have done that. 

All of the different pieces of advice offered here have worked for me – really worked for me to one degree or another – in so far as I was willing to honestly try to incorporate them into my life. 

Admittedly, there is no universal, one-size-fits-all set of answers to the myriad challenges we face as we try to successfully navigate our way through life. 

But each of these “30 Things” has helped me with my ongoing efforts to “live well”. 

Perhaps some of them will be helpful for you too!

A review from Adina Silvestri, EdD, LPC, Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified , ClinicalHypnotherapist,  

Certified Brainspotting Practitioner

Contact: (804) 536-9143  - Adina@AdinaSilvestri.com www.adinasilvestri.com  

Review of 30 Things: Practical Advice for Living Well by William Schaberg

As a licensed therapist specializing in substance abuse and erasing shame, I found 30 Things: Practical Advice for Living Well by William Schaberg to be a valuable source of wise and practical advice. This book provides an array of insights that are especially beneficial for therapists and their clients on a journey toward healing and self-improvement. Below are some key highlights and how they can be applied to therapy:

Loving Someone Means Acting as if Their Happiness Is Important to You

○       Schaberg emphasizes that loving actions are integral to building and maintaining relationships. This aligns with therapeutic practices that encourage clients to express love and care through tangible actions, thereby strengthening their connections with loved ones.

○       Example: A therapist might encourage a client to perform a small, thoughtful act for a family member, reinforcing the idea that love is demonstrated through actions, not just words.

Embrace the Fact That We Are All Different

○       Schaberg’s advice to acknowledge and appreciate individual differences is crucial in therapy. This helps clients understand that differing perspectives and behaviors are normal and can be embraced rather than judged.

○       Application: Encourage clients to explore and celebrate their unique traits and those of others, fostering acceptance and reducing interpersonal conflicts.

Become a Morning Person

○       Schaberg’s advocacy for morning productivity can be an effective strategy for clients struggling with time management and motivation. The quiet morning hours can be a great time for reflection, planning, and self-care activities.

○       Implementation: Suggest clients create a morning routine that includes journaling, meditation, or exercise to start their day on a positive note.

You Can Pretend to Care, But You Can’t Pretend to Be There

○       The importance of presence in relationships is highlighted by Schaberg, which is a vital concept in therapy. Being fully present with others builds trust and deepens emotional connections.

○       Practice: Encourage clients to practice mindfulness in their interactions, focusing on truly being there for their loved ones without distractions.

Identify the Places Where You Encounter the Spiritual and Go There Often

○       Finding and regularly visiting places that evoke a sense of spirituality or peace can be incredibly healing for clients. This advice promotes self-care and the importance of environments in emotional well-being.

○       Strategy: Help clients identify their personal sanctuaries, whether physical places or mental states, and incorporate regular visits to these spaces into their routines. And who doesn’t want to understand the subconscious better.

In conclusion, 30 Things: Practical Advice for Living Well offers practical lessons that can significantly benefit therapeutic practices. Schaberg’s insights offer clear steps for living a more balanced and fulfilling life. I recommend this book for both therapists and clients looking to overcome challenges and grow personally.

Dr. Joe Nowinski, clinical therapist, writer and author

There are many things to like about 30 Things, starting with the fact that it is easy and enjoyable to read, thanks to the writing skill of the author. That makes it comfortable to be read in chunks of 3-4 "things" and then pause to reflect on them as they may apply to the reader. Next—and perhaps most importantly--it is written from a position of humility as opposed to authority, which makes the advice offered easy to digest. It stands in contrast to the patronizing approach that typically characterizes "advice" writings. Most of the "things" in fact emanate from the author's own experiences and originate with others he respects.  While it is doubtful that I or other readers will be able to memorize these 30 things and apply them on a daily basis, I can easily see how a situation I find myself in may stimulate my memory of one "thing" or another, and thereby help to inform my actions. For these reasons I heartily recommend 30 Things to all who are open to seeing life at times from a different perspective.